Coming of Age Read online

  My god, he’s beautiful. He had matured better than she had imagined.

  “No. I didn’t get interested in film until I went to college.”

  Olivia fired a couple of shots, adjusted her settings, and shot a couple more. Max kept his eyes on Ben as he answered questions. Only once did he look up at her and when he did, her finger instinctively pressed the shutter.

  What was that she saw on his face, and in his eyes? What had life taught or taken from him since she last saw him? Who had Max become in the twelve years since she’d seen him? Did he still want to see what made people tick? She’d have to see the film that was garnering him so much attention.

  She was so lost in her own thoughts, studying his face in the viewfinder that she forgot about Ben. The drone of their voices was like a distant hum. Her entire focus was on what she saw.

  When she heard her name, she started and for a moment moved the camera away from her eye. Max looked up at her as he spoke. “Yes, actually we do. Livi is the photographer I worked for when I was in high school.”

  Olivia would have been fine with a big hole opening up in the floor and swallowing her. Instead, she had to face Ben when he turned to look at her. “Really? You never said anything about knowing Max Clearman, Olivia.”

  She shrugged and raised the camera to her eye again, catching the smile on Max’s face as she shot. “It was a long time ago.”

  Ben turned his attention back to Max. “Small world isn’t it. Okay, I have to ask the question everyone’s been asking.”

  “What question is that?” Max asked.

  “The dedication in your book.” Ben said. “Per the agreement, we were given an advance copy. We’re all dying to know who you wrote that dedication for.”

  For the first time since the interview had started, Olivia saw the Max she had known years ago. A look appeared on his face that she recognized. He was uncomfortable and nervous.

  She came to his rescue without thinking. “Damn! Battery’s dead,” she spoke loudly enough to draw Ben’s attention. “Sorry. It’ll just take a second.”

  She went over to her camera bag and took her time changing out the still fresh battery. She cut a look over her shoulder and her eyes met Max’s. One thing had not changed over the years. Max had always had the most expressive eyes and face of anyone she had ever known. And right now, his expression said “thanks.”

  She smiled in reply. What was it about that dedication that made him so nervous?

  “Okay, we’re good,” she announced.

  Ben started to ask another question, but Max interrupted and started talking about the film he’d directed that was earning one nomination after another and being hailed as the film of the year.

  In half an hour, the interview was over. Benjamin’s driver was waiting outside. He had just enough time to get to the airport to make his flight back to New York.

  He thanked Max and turned to her. “You want to catch a ride? I’ll have the driver drop me at the airport then take you to your hotel. Where’re you staying?”

  Olivia had worked with Ben long enough to know that if she got into the car with him, he’d interrogate her about her relationship with Max. She wasn’t about to let that happen.

  “The Weston downtown. But go on, Ben. I still have to pack up and I don’t want to make you late. I’ll call my driver.”

  “Okay, see you back at the office. Max? Thanks. This is going to be a great piece.”

  “I hope so,” Max said and shook Ben’s hand.

  Olivia turned her attention to her phone. She dialed the number the limo service had given her and asked to be picked up as soon as possible. She then turned her attention to packing her equipment.

  Max silently helped. Once everything was packed, she lifted the case and hooked the strap over her shoulder. “My driver should be here soon. I’ll just wait outside.”

  “Livi, don’t.”

  “Don’t what?”

  “Act like we’re strangers.”

  Olivia put the case down and took a seat in the chair Ben had vacated. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

  Max sat on the sofa, angled toward her. “You look good, Livi.”

  She smiled with a slight shake of her head at the awkward opening to the conversation. “Thanks. So do you.”

  There was a long uncomfortable silence. Olivia looked out of the window, then back at Max. “What happened to Joe?”

  “Joe?”

  “The photographer who was supposed to shoot today?”

  The smile he gave her was sly. Funny, she didn’t remember Max being sly. “I may have requested a replacement.”

  “What?”

  “I asked that you do it.”

  “Why?”

  “Isn’t that obvious?”

  “No.” It wasn’t. She and Max had not seen one another in more than a decade. “It’s not.”

  “I wanted to see you.”

  Olivia thought about it. Maybe it was more obvious than she realized. Considering the way they had parted, maybe Max needed to see her, or more correctly, needed her to see him. To see how successful he was. Maybe he needed to prove to her that he’d made it and hadn’t needed her after all.

  “I’m really happy for you, Max. For all your success. I always knew you had it in you to do something outstanding. I’m happy that you found your passion.”

  The expression of disappointment and sadness that claimed his face had her feeling guilty for her assumptions. “Is that who you think I became, Livi?”

  Olivia didn’t know what he wanted to hear, so she spoke from the heart. “I don’t know, Max. I don’t know who you are now. I knew the teenaged Max. You’re not a teenager anymore. You’re an adult and you’ve had a dozen years of life experiences that I don’t know anything about. I don’t know what those experiences have taught you or how they’ve changed you. Who you are now isn’t someone I know.”

  He leaned back and regarded her. “You’re right. So maybe we could—“

  The doorbell interrupted. Olivia got to her feet. “That’s my driver.”

  “Don’t go. I’ll drive you back.”

  Olivia was quite sure that would be a monumental mistake. She was exhausted from trying to keep the memories at bay that strained at her mind. She hadn’t allowed herself to be emotional for a long time and seeing Max was threatening the control she had worked very hard to establish.

  “I have to.” She picked up her cases. “It was good seeing you, Max.”

  Before he could respond, she turned and headed for the door. Max caught up with her as she was opening the door. He put his hand on her arm to stay her. “Please stay.”

  She looked up at him and for a moment, all she could see was Max on the day she’d left. “You know I can’t.” She spoke the same words she had that day long ago.

  “Can’t or don’t want to.”

  “Can’t.” She replied. “Goodbye, Max.”

  He released her and she hurried out to the car. Olivia did not notice the scenery, the traffic or even that it had started to rain. All she could think of was Max and the hurt on his face when she said goodbye.

  Chapter Three

  The Present

  Max watched the car pull away, and for a moment, he was eighteen again, watching Livi drive away, feeling his gut twist and his chest burn from the anguish he felt.

  He turned away and went back inside. The house seemed very big and very empty. He wandered back into the den and stood in front of the picture window, staring out over the grassy lawn and adjacent pasture. But his mind did not register the sight of the clouds rolling in or the way the light changed colors with the approach of the storm. His mind was taken to a time long ago.

  February 2001

  The Pine Lake Country Club was the venue for the class reunion Olivia and Max were hired to photograph. One look at the alumni and Max was sure they were going to stick out like sore thumbs. Aside from them, there wasn’t a person in the place younger than fifty.

  Oliv
ia nudged him with her elbow. “Don’t worry, they probably don’t bite.”

  Max shot her a smile. “I don’t know. Looks like those guys over there at the bar would like to take a bite out of you. They haven’t stopped looking at you since we walked in.”

  Olivia laughed. “Then maybe we should start with them. You ready?”

  “I guess.”

  She took a step and stopped. “You know, I think maybe it’s time for you to work solo. See that group of women over there at the buffet? Why don’t you start with them?”

  “By myself?”

  She laughed and reached out to give his arm a squeeze. “Come on. They’re the same age as your parents. I bet you’re charmed at least one of your mom’s friends by now.”

  “That’s just gross.” Max couldn’t imagine trying to charm a woman his mother’s age. At the moment, he wasn’t trying. Olivia’s hand on his arm was like a brand. He could feel himself starting to sweat.

  He hoped she didn’t detect it. That would be embarrassing. He could move away, but nothing short of a nuclear explosion would prompt him to remove himself from her touch. He’d been dreaming about it for two months.

  Olivia chuckled again, still holding his arm. “I didn’t say ask them for a date, Max. Just talk them into letting you take their pictures and give them one of the discount coupons. Who knows, you might score us some new clients. And I don’t know about you, but I think it would be nice to be able to go get something besides pizza on Friday night.”

  “Okay. I’ll do it.”

  “That’s my guy,” she gave his arm one final squeeze. “I’ll meet you outside in an hour.”

  With that, she walked away. Max watched her approach the group of men at the bar. Watched them watch her. He could see lust in more than one set of eyes.

  He didn’t blame them. He lusted after Olivia every day. But seeing them look at her that way had a rush of jealousy crawling up his spine that made his head pound.

  Just then she cut a look back over her shoulder, gave him a smile and a wink. His heart literally twitched in his chest.

  She was just trying to make some money. He knew that it wasn’t easy for her. Her equipment was paid for, but she still had to pay rent on her studio, and pay him.

  Olivia paid him a lot more than he could have made anywhere else. He knew that, and knew it meant she had to cut back on other things because of it.

  Maybe now was his chance to help. If he could get extra business lined up, she’d be happy. And he’d make sure that next Friday they didn’t call out for pizza. If it took his entire month’s pay, he’d take her somewhere nice to eat.

  With newfound determination, he smothered his dread and headed for the buffet.

  The hour passed faster than he’d anticipated. He hurried outside, eager to tell Olivia the news. He’d handed out a lot of cards, and what was better, he’d set up six appointments for the next two weeks.

  He took a seat on a low brick wall that extended out from the side of the building. A few minutes later, Olivia walked out. She spotted him and smiled.

  “Come on,” she said as she drew near

  Max followed her across the parking lot and a grassy area sheltered by trees. A small pavilion was nestled in the trees. Inside were three picnic tables. The back wall was stone in which was set a large fireplace.

  Olivia climbed up on one of the tables. In each hand was a bottle of beer. She held one out to him.

  “I swear I’ll kill you tag-on-the-toe dead if you tell anyone I did this.”

  Max accepted the beer and sat down beside her. Not close enough that any part of them touched, but only a few inches separated them.

  Olivia unslung her camera from around her neck and put it on the table behind her. She took a long drink from the beer, put her head back and moaned.

  “Oh man, did I need that.” She turned to look at him. “So?”

  Max was trying hard not to act like a kid, to play it cool. He took a drink from his beer. “I gave out twenty-three cards and lined up six appointments.”

  “Woo hoooo!”” She threw her arm around his shoulders and pulled him over to plant a noisy kiss on the side of his face. “My hero!”

  “That’s good?” He asked, very pleased at her response.

  “That’s freaking fantastic!”

  “How’d you do?”

  “Struck out.”

  “Really?” He was surprised. The way those men were looking at her, he figured they’d be throwing money at her.

  She laughed. “I’ll let you in on a secret, Max. Men want to buy you a drink, a meal, a bracelet, or a car. They want to take you for drinks or dinner or to bed. They don’t give a hoot about having their picture taken unless it’s for the news or a magazine that is going to bring them status or prestige.

  “But women? Well, that’s a whole other thing. Women hate pictures of themselves, but like the idea that maybe someone will take a photo and it will look like a better version of them –the version they carry in their heads.

  “And if you can deliver that, then you have a happy woman, who will tell her friends to do the same because no matter what the mirror says, or how much her husband ignores her, she has that photo that proves she’s beautiful.”

  Max thought about what she said. He’d never considered it. “That makes women sound pretty vain. Is being beautiful all that important?”

  Olivia turned to look at him. “Come on, you know it is. Everyone wants to feel beautiful to someone. And if there isn’t anyone in whose eyes we are beautiful, then we settle for the illusion of beauty where we can find it.”

  “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.” The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them.

  He saw the surprise on her face, even though it passed quickly to be replaced by an expression he never thought he’d see on her face or in her eyes. Longing. But for what?

  “You’re so sweet, Max.” She looked down, breaking eye contact for a moment. “But I’m not.”

  “You are to me.”

  She looked up at him again, breathing out a little sound that was so sexy he felt something south of the belt react. She reached up and placed her hand on the side of his face. “You have no idea just how irresistible you are, do you, Max? I don’t get why you don’t have girls crawling all over you all the time.”

  “Am I?” Had he heard her right? She thought he was irresistible.

  “Oh, yeah.” Her eyes held his for one more moment. Just before her hand fell away from his face, he saw the expression in her eyes change. Something sad crept in.

  He grabbed her hand as it left his face. “To you?”

  “Max.”

  He’d never heard his name spoken like that. It sent something cascading through him that was almost paralyzing. Her voice, so soft, so filled with emotion, his name like a prayer falling from her lips.

  Max could not control his reactions. He reached up to cup her face in his hand, leaning toward her slowly. He could feel her breath, smell the beer she’d drank.

  Their lips were nearly touching when she pulled back. “No. Max, no.”

  The joy and excitement of a moment ago was crushed at her words. “Why? Don’t you want to?”

  “Max. It’s not that…it’s… its’ just not right. You’re seventeen. A minor. If you think I could get in trouble for giving you a beer, then magnify that by a thousand if I … if we… we can’t Max. It just can’t happen.”

  “But what if it could, Livi? What if I wasn’t a minor?”

  “But you are,” she said gently.

  He almost argued that it didn’t matter but he didn’t want to fight with her. And it occurred to him that if his age were the problem, he would wait until age wasn’t a factor. He’d be eighteen in June. Then age wouldn’t stand between them.

  He could wait that long. Livi was worth it.

  “Okay,” he said.

  She hugged him, holding on tightly for a moment. “You’re the best man I’ve ever known, M
ax and I mean that. You’re kind and funny and you see things other people can’t. You’re talented and sexy and I envy the woman you choose to spend your life with because she’s getting someone more special than she can imagine.”

  With that, she stood, tossed her beer bottle into the trash, and hung the strap of her camera around her neck. She extended her hand to him.

  Max didn’t hesitate to take it. In silence, they walked back to the clubhouse. She held his hand until he reached to open the door for her.